Personal Blog

Thank You, Mr. DeNiro

I have two sons with Autism.  Two wonderful, lively, beautifully unique children that brighten the lives of everyone they encounter.   I’d say I’m blessed to have boys who are high functioning, but I know I’d love them either way.  So, like most ASD moms, I stay informed of latest medical developments and news regarding Autism. It’s still a mystery.  What causes it?  Is it genetic?  Is there a catalyst that causes its presentation?  What are these triggers?  Why is there such a variance in the

Autism is the Key

I found this fantastic post from an Autistic individual’s perspective.  It was more than worth sharing here.  Hopefully, it will not only help those on the spectrum that still struggle with self-worth but promote understanding for those outside as well. My husband always says you can find me in the logic. My actions are always reasoned. There’s always a clear pattern to follow. What that meant, before I knew I was autistic, was that all of m…

Autism is a Discipline Problem

Seven years ago I became pregnant at the same time as a good friend of mine.  Our children were born a day apart in the same hospital.  She and I also had older children, both sons.  One of hers was slightly older than my oldest son, and when I first met him, I found him rather peculiar.  He was a sweet boy, but whenever I visited their house he’d often be found climbing to the top of the family’s entertainment center or spinning around in his underwear.  I couldn’t understand for the life of me

Today, I Celebrate Your Death

Eleven years ago your heart stopped beating.  I celebrate it with cake and ice cream and as lavish gifts as I can afford. Today, I think back to that pristine hospital room, to all the equipment and tubes and monitors, and I can see the doctors and nurses who punctuate the room like carefully placed wording on a page.  I’d never recognize their faces if I saw them on a crowded street, or if I sat across from them on the train.  But I will forever remember their calm, determined looks that only

Blue First

April is Autism Awareness month.  On April 2nd, the world’s monuments, statues, buildings, and landmarks were illuminated with a vibrant blue glow for World Autism Awareness Day  (WAAD).   We “light it up blue” to shed a light on Autism.  The LIUB campaign began with Autism Speaks, the world’s largest Autism Advocacy organization. Like many families dealing with Autism in one way or another, I am lighting it up blue as well.  Recently, as I was scrolling through my facebook newsfeed, I came acr

Autism is an Inconvenience

I remember the very first moment I realized my eldest son, Seth was different.  It was something that can’t be erased from the memory banks.  Looking back, there were signs that had manifested before then, but nothing so pronounced. I get a lump in my throat as I relive that feeling of panic that pounded itself into me unexpectedly,  when I thought, “My god!  What is wrong with him?” The family had gone to Dairy Queen for lunch. Seth was sitting at the head of the table and we were all enjoying

Whine (Wine) a Little

I started a blog a couple of days ago that I fully intended to finish today. It was starting out as my usual blogs do: I- love- my- kids- to- bits- and -pieces type deal.  But I find myself snapping at the kids, at the dog, fully annoyed with every little thing.  And seriously, I mean every. little. thing.  I saw an ant crawling in my bathroom and wished that it was big enough for me to pick it up and throw it across the room.  Squishing it simply wasn’t good enough. Days like this I wish I did

Dear Kids, It’s All About LOVE!

Like every good parent, I struggled with what lessons from my childhood I would teach my children, and which ones I felt I could do better with on my own.  I still play with the lesson plan in my head. As each child ages and personalities emerge, as societal and cultural influences impose increasing awareness on them, the lessons shift and change and have morphed into something all their own.  I can’t teach them the same way my parents did.  I don’t believe the same way anymore, either. Despite

Fine Wine and a Baby

When I found out I was pregnant with you I threw the store-bought pregnancy test at your father and cried for a week straight.  Every single time I had to prick my finger for a blood sugar check I resented you a little more.  When I measured out my insulin injection in the morning and evening and at every meal, I envisioned all the future pain you would cause. I’d look at your older brother, Seth and worried about the possibility of you being Autistic as well. I thought about therapists, teache

Back Away from the Edge

There was once upon a time that I believed I could handle just about anything.  Physically, I’d wager that I can withstand more pain than the average person.  However, I’ve lived decades still trying to navigate the nuances of emotional pain.  I’ve been handed my fair share of both, but despite some impressive lessons in psychological tug of war, I somehow manage to lose the battle.  Every. Time.  The optimist would tell me, “Well, look at this way – you’re not in a mental hospital!”  True.  My

My Mother’s Purse

Once upon a time, when I was just a little thing, I remember hearing that mommy needed something from her purse. So being the kind, helpful little darling child I was, I began to rummage through her pocketbook in search of whatever it was that she needed.  When mommy found me, I was promptly reprimanded and told to never, ever to go through mommy’s purse. Ever since that time, there was a fantastical mystery that surrounded that particular fashion accessory. Although I learned my lesson from th

Autism and the P Word

It doesn’t seem as long as it has been since we first received the diagnosis.  At the time, it seemed like just a word.  Not an overly daunting word, and certainly much better than some other words we could have heard, sitting in front of the pediatric neurologist.  I could have thought of a million words that were worse.  Cancer, cerebral palsy, mental retardation, neural tube defect, and Fragile X (just to name a few) were among the many that I poured through the internet researching when I no

You’re No F*cking Mary Poppins

My social media news feed has blown up these past few weeks with buzz about two very sad accidents involving children. For those who haven’t been following the news, on May 28th, a child fell into the gorilla enclosure at the Cincinnati Zoo, resulting in an endangered silverback gorilla having to be shot and killed in order to rescue the child.  (Read the news article and see the video on the incident here.)  Similarly, on June 14th, a 2-year-old boy was snatched from a Disney resort lake by an

A Heart Shaped Puzzle

Today, sick with some combination hay fever/cold, I sat on the couch and yelled at my Autistic 9-year-old who was on his third hour of separating laundry.  He tells me sorry, picks up another item of clothing, obviously wanting to please, but proceeds to wander around the living room making gun noises and shooting pretend bad guys instead of dropping the item into its proper pile.  I yell again.  Two hours later, he is just barely finishing up his chore and socks and dryer sheets litter the floo

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